The Reason
by Haru Glory
Summary: This is my my first one-shot. Please,be nice.


Authors Pre-Note: Hi. This is my second attempt at a fanfic and my first attempt at a oneshot.

I have another in-progress fic, It is an Elfen Lied fic called " Elfen Lied:A Second Chance"

If you have the time, check it out.

DISCLAIMER! I DON"T OWN EVANGELION!

"I feel sick"

These were the words she said as I cried into her breast. I was shattered. Broken. Destroyed. Wondering what kind of sick game was fate playing to make someone like me re-create the world? To put me in charge of saving the whole damn earth from some twisted form of existing. Some hideous cross between death and unity. How could I be asked to do that, when I can't even save myself? How could this happen to me? I rolled off of the object I was lying on top of, and laid on the sand. I hated life. I hated living. I hated myself.

I picked myself up. I looked down on the girl that I had attempted to strangle to death five minutes ago.

She looked just as broken as I felt. She looks...defeated. Like nothing in the world was worth living for.

I wanted to laugh at the cruel irony in the fact...that she was right. I wanted to laugh, so I did. I let myself laugh as hard as I wanted. She turned to me, and looked at me, as if just to see what the noise was. In any other circumstance, she probably would have thought that I lost my mind. She would have probably been right. All of the events I seen in instrumentality, all of the hurt and pain that I endured and caused in my "life" and the simple realization of the fact that I fucked up this whole damn world. I was given the responsibility to make things right, and just like everything else, I failed. The whole thing made me laugh even harder. I laughed harder than I have ever laughed before. I fell on the sand, and continued to laugh. I laughed until I cried. My laughter made a transition to tears. As if my body could not pick which one to do, so it picked the "all of the above option.

I cried. I laid in the sand and screamed into my hands. I looked over at the girl I had tried to kill.

I crawled over to her. My mind went into a haze.

"Look, Asuka. Look at what I made!" I said. I pulled her up violently. I heard her gasp in pain. I ignored it. "LOOK GODDAMMIT! LOOK AT MY WORLD!" I screamed."LOOK AT WHAT I'VE DONE!" I then went back to crying. The pain just would not leave. I held her. I held Asuka I held her as close to me as possible, as if she would disappear from me if I let her go.

"Asuka..." I sobbed, "Asuka, I need you, please don't leave me. Please save me! I can't do this alone. I need you. Please! Asuka.! PLEASE!" I buried my face in her hair. It still smelled so sweet, despite all of the pain I was going through, I could still think that. What in the hell is wrong with me?

I then felt a hand press the back of my head closer to Asuka.

" Baka... you were never alone. You were just too stupid too see all of the people who loved you."

How could she say that? I have always been alone. I have never had anyone to care about me beyond what I could do for them in my life. Even my own father could not even love me right. He just wanted my mother back. My father's selfish wants is what ruined what ever chance I had at a 'life.'

'Life.' What a joke. Life is just something that gets value from what's in it. My life has nothing but pain. Nothing but sadness. Perhaps that is why I hate my life. It seems to fit.

"No one cared. If they did I wouldn't be so alone." I replied.

She slapped me.

"You STUPID, SELFISH, BASTARD!" she screamed. "WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE! YOU ARE JUST TOO BLIND TO SEE THAT! EVERYONE LEAVES BECAUSE YOU PUSH THEM AWAY! YOU PUSHED ME AWAY! I NEEDED YOU, AND YOU JUST RAN AWAY! YOU COWARD! I HATE YOU!" She then started to cry. The word she said hurt, but I don't know what hurts worse. The words, or the fact that she was right. She was right. I ran away. That's what I do. I don't face pain. I hide from it. Like the coward I am. I guess I would face a little if I was told to. I guess I am a little like Ayanami in that way. I am quick to follow orders. Not because I think it's my duty. Because I am too much of a coward to disobey.

Just how many people have I hurt? Toji: I killed him. Kensuke: I just ignored him in the end. Hikari: I killed Toji. Misato: As far as I am concerned, I killed her too. Asuka: Asuka...I hurt her the most. All of the times when she needed someone to help her. To be strong for her once, so she didn't have to be. I remember, back to when her mind was raped. She screamed at me. Telling me how she hated me and everything else. She also screamed 'you won't even hold me.' I guess I was too afraid to hold her, but I still hurt her. Ayanami: I shunned her after what I found out about her. I was disgusted. I also failed the chance she gave me. What did she expect? Kowaru: I killed him, too. I guess I didn't have much of a choice, but that doesn't matter. I seem to have a knack for killing people who care about me.

Wait...what did I just say...

People who care...

It was then that realized: The girl, who had fallen asleep in my arms during my thoughts, was right. Misato, Ayanami,Toji, Kensuke, even Asuka. They were always there to give me some sort of support. They were always there for me. Misato died because of me. Ayanami betrayed the commander, my father, to give me the chance to make things right. I may have failed, but it doesn't change the fact that she still gave me a chance. That is when I felt an emotion I am unfamiliar with. A feeling I can only can't really ever remember feeling. I wonder if this is how Ayanami felt when she felt something that she could not explain. I felt like there was a fire inside of me. I felt Courage. Determination. For the first time in my life. I felt the will to LIVE. I wanted to live. Not because I was afraid of death, no. Death did not scare me anymore. The reaper could stand in front of me and I would tell him to "Take me, or fuck off!"

No. I wanted to live because I had someone I wanted to protect. I looked at the still asleep Asuka, who I still held in my arms.

I also had a promise to keep.

I took Misato's cross out of my pocket. I fingered it for a second and remembered the promise I got forced into making, and the "Adult Kiss" that sealed it.

I placed it around my neck. I was going to keep this promise. I won't let Misato down, again.

I looked at Asuka's peaceful sleeping form. Even in this hell that I made. She still looked like a goddess to me. Even with her eye and arm bandaged. I think she still looks beautiful.

I leaned forward and brushed my lips against her lips softly. I then placed my cheek up against hers and whispered. "Thank you,Asuka. You were right. All along,you were right. I'm sorry."

"Shinji..." She muttered. I pulled back a little to look at her face. She was still asleep but the tears on her face showed me she was crying.

"Shinji...don't leave...you're all that I have left...Shinji...I love you...I need you...please don run away from me again..."

I wiped the tears off of her cheeks, and I held her as close as possible. "I'll never leave you Asuka." I whispered into her ear. " I swear, I'll never run away again."

"Promise...?" I looked at her face again. She was awake now. Her eyes were still puffy from crying. She would have never let herself cry before now. She was sincerely hoping that I would promise. I kissed her on the lips again.

"Yes, I promise. Never again."

She smiled a genuine soft smile. Not a devious one. Not a fake one. A smile that I want to believe that she only let me see. Just like her tears. A part of Asuka, only for me.

"How can you make such a promise, baka Shinji?" She asked. She had a sad look on her face.

I caressed her cheek with my hand. "Because, I have a reason to fight. I have finally... found the reason that I have been looking for for so long, my reason to live." She smiled. I think she saw my eyes, and they told her my reason. I smiled at her. She smiled back at me.

I lifted her up. I held her like a groom would hold his new bride, and I carried her off of the beach.

I laughed to myself at the connection I made to the way I was holding Asuka.

"Where are we going?" she asked. I looked down at her and then out ahead of me, and smiled.

"I don't have a clue. I guess we'll find out when we get there."

She smiled. "Baka..." I knew that 'baka' was an endearing term now. I realized that she never called anyone else 'baka.' Not Kensuke. Not even Toji. It was a name that she always had saved for me.

As if to emphasize this, Asuka reached up to my face with her undamaged arm and caressed my cheek again.

"My Baka." she softly stated. That simple action, was the last amount of resolve I needed.

I began to march forward. I had no idea where I was going. And I didn't care. Wherever it was, I would face it head on. I am never going to run away again. I made this vow on the souls of all of those who loved me.

I am going to face this new life. With all of my strength.

I promise.

I found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you...

I found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

-Hoobastank "The Reason"

End-notes. Thanks for reading. I was listening to that song over and over while I was writing this to keep myself in the mood. This is my first oneshot. So please be nice.

"The Reason" is my 'theme song' for Shinji and Asuka. I think it would be perfect.

'Easier to Run" by Linkin Park is my theme song for Shinji.

"Rosenrot" by Rammstein is the song I like to put with Asuka.

"Replica" by Sonata Arctica is my song for Rei. (Even if it does reference the singer being a man and not a woman. The idea fits.)

Tell me what you think of the story and the "Theme songs" for the characters. If you have any better Ideas for 'Theme songs" let me know and I'll listen too them. If you have any Ideas on how to improve my story. Fire away! I find your house in my Unit 04! Yes! 04! and KILL YOU! MUHUHUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HA.


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